


Losing Grip

by Harlecat



Series: Tainted Love [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1458631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harlecat/pseuds/Harlecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was left to cry there, waiting outside there, grinning with a lost stare. That's when I decided… why should I care? You weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone. You… you need to listen. I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip… One-shot/songfic, Tainted Love prequel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Grip

**Author's Note:**

> Remember those Tainted Love prequels I was talking about? Well… just how did Harley get the green hair and white skin? How she actually became the Joker is another story, but something had to happen for her to look the part. “Losing Grip” by Avril Lavigne. And here… we… go…

_Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?_

The problem was that Harley was full of love, and she always chose to give it to the wrong people. People who would suck her dry, and leave her for dead.

_Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real._

She hated the Joker. She loved him and she hated him. She had loved him until her heart broke, and it didn’t matter to him at all. Part of her- the Harleen part- had been relieved, when he vanished. She didn’t need to torture herself. But then he came back, and Harley rejoiced.  _This is going to end badly,_  Harleen said.  _Yippee!_  Harley said back.

_Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you? Why'd you turn away?_

Then he had tried to cut her face off, decided she was a failure, and chained her to a wall.

_Here's what I have to say:_

_I was left to cry there, waiting outside there, grinning with a lost stare-_

Now she was here, back where it all began (and where it all would end). Ace Chemicals. And the vat below her was toxic, deadly. It could easily kill someone.

_That's when I decided,_

 

_Why should I care?_

No one else did, after all. She gave her heart up to  _everyone_  and all they did was tear her apart. She wasn’t good enough for anyone. 

 _Cuz you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone._  

She was always alone. It didn’t matter if she found a place she thought was perfect for her, it didn’t matter at all, because in the end, she always ended up alone. 

_You, you need to listen._

The rational side of her brain- Harleen- was screaming that she needed to take a step back, to listen to her,  _please_  listen to her.  _Don’t do this. Harley, don’t do this._  

_I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip, and I'm in this thing alone._

Alone. She was alone.

 

Harleen’s life was ruined, too. Some things you just can't get back.

_Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place?_

_“Batman!”_  she could distinctly remember shouting.  _“It’s always been Batman!”_  He had always come between them, weaseled his way into what might have worked out, if he wasn’t so goddamn perfect, and if the Joker wasn’t so goddamn in love with him.

_When you turn around can you recognize my face? You used to love me, you used to hug me._

He had. Back before she was Harley- when there was an N tacked on to the end of her name- he had… cared for her. He had liked her, before she was Harley.

_But that wasn't the case. Everything wasn't okay._

And in the end, she was always just a replacement for the Caped Crusader.

_I was left to cry there, waiting outside there, grinning with a lost stare-_

And now she was here, sitting on the catwalk over the vent, on the edge of her seat. She smiled in spite of herself. He had tried to make her like him. He’d tried to peel off her skin, drown her in chemicals…

 

_That's when I decided, why should I care?_

Funny that she might just drown herself.

_Cuz you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone._

Always alone. He had never been there when he needed her. No one was ever there when she needed them. No one ever cared that much.

_You, you need to listen. I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip, and I'm in this thing alone._

If only someone would listen.

If only someone would take a moment to  _see_  her,  _see_  her pain, see how badly it hurt her when people turned away-

 

Because if they would just  _listen,_ she was screaming.

_Crying out loud, I'm crying out loud. Crying out loud, I'm crying out loud._

And if they would just  _look,_

_Open your eyes, open up wide._

She was bleeding. Bleeding to death.

 

_Why should I care? Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone._

Bats chased after the Joker. He chased him back.

_Why should I care? Cuz you weren't there when I was scared._

No one chased after her.

_I was so alone._

She had always clung to some delusional fantasy- if she loved him enough, he would love her back.  _Tomorrow,_  she promised herself every night.  _Tomorrow he’ll love me._

_Why should I care?_

Why?  _Why_  should she care? Why the hell should she care when no one else did?

_If you don't care then I don't care._

That was how it worked, wasn’t it?

_We’re not going anywhere._

They weren’t. They weren’t going anywhere except down. Harley got a firm grip on the edge of the catwalk and pushed.

 

_Why should I care?_

The correct answer- and ding  _ding,_  we have a winner- was that she shouldn’t.

_Cuz you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone._

Now. He wasn’t there now, never there when it counted- and now the world was spinning out of focus-

_Why should I care?_

Harley emerged from the water, gasping for air.  _No!_  She wasn’t supposed to surface!

_If you don't care, then I don't care._

Luckily for her, the currents were dragging her back down. It was so peaceful, down in the dark. She never wanted to come back up.

_We’re not going anywhere._

Goodbye, Harley whispered to the water, and fell asleep.


End file.
